I was thinking about the connection between sex and drinking the other day. Perhaps I'm in the minority (though I doubt it), but it seems like alcohol is an important ingredient to making "sexy time" happen.
I had been dating a guy for several weeks last summer when he mentioned that we had never had sex sober before. While I knew that this was true, him saying it to me was somewhat alarming. I tend to be an over thinker, and I spend my days "therapizing" others, so the idea that I was only having sex when I was drinking seemed problematic.
Is it some type of relationship milestone when you finally have sober sex with the person you're dating? Perhaps. Maybe there is something significant about liking someone enough to take your clothes off (and allow them to take their clothes off) when you don't have the safety of being intoxicated.
It's an interesting phenomenon. I know that I'm probably not at my best after a few cocktails, so deciding that's the time when I'm going to put myself out there for sex seems unwise. Also, I find the sex to be much more... er... difficult after knocking back a few. I guess somewhere along the way (college) sex and alcohol became inextricably linked, and it's a hard bond to break.
It actually goes farther than sex though. I believe that every first kiss I have had for the past 12 years has occurred following a cocktail. I'm not saying I'm shitfaced every time I hook up with someone, but I'm definitely not sober. I think the only guy I have ever had a sober start with is my high school boyfriend, and that's really only because I didn't drink in high school.
If you're sleeping with someone and you're always drunk (or drinking) when you "do it," I would recommend that you carefully consider this relationship. Is this someone you can imagine having sex with sans liquor? If not, this is probably someone you shouldn't be sleeping with on the regular. Also, I would argue that if you're only having sex with the person you're "dating" when you drunk, you're definitely not in a relationship.
I'm an alcohol supporter for sure, but sometimes alcohol can make things seems much different than they really are. Things (and people) that under normal circumstances might only mildly impress you, can seem amazing under the influence of alcohol. This is something to consider when it comes to sex and dating.
If you're currently dating someone I encourage you to put a cork in the wine and try doing it sober. Who knows, you might like it. Although, I guess it is possible you could hate it, and realize that you've been sleeping with the wrong person. In that case, you can thank me for alerting you to this issue and for helping you get out. Cheers!
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