Recently someone was telling me that
women tend to seek out friends that are the same level of attractive as they
are. I guess this makes some sense, but is it true? While there’s no way to be
sure, I think it feels like a pretty accurate statement.
On the other hand, I feel like I
have definitely been in situations where I look around at my friends and think
“yep… I am definitely bringing the
average down.” At the same time, I have been in situations where I look around
at my friends and think “damn! These bitches are bus-ted!” Just kidding, I’ve
never actually thought that. All my friends are extraordinarily attractive and
I’m very lucky they let me hang out with them J
Anyway, just as people become
friends with others on their same level, it seems like people tend to date
within their same attractiveness class as well. There are certainly couples who
defy social mores, so of course there is some periodic inter- attractiveness
class canoodling. Sometimes the football stud really does date the artist chick
and the cheerleader really does date the computer geek. It seems like this is a
relatively uncommon phenomenon though. In fact, you can tell it’s a shocking
occurrence, because when you see it, you comment on it. We all do.
If I really think about it, most of
the guys I have dated have probably been my equal on the attractiveness scale.
There are always outliers though, and you can’t forget about the outliers.
I have dated a few guys who were
(are) very attractive. I say this not
as a matter of opinion, but as a fact. Some of the guys I have dated have been
very attractive, objectively speaking. While it’s always nice to have something
pretty to look at, dating someone significantly more attractive than you does
have its share of problems.
One time a girl at a bar said to the
guy I was dating “this bitch?! You’re here with this bitch? She’s got a big ass
and she’s wearing fucking flip flops!” In her defense, I do have a big ass and
I am usually wearing flip flops. Despite her accuracy (minus the bitch
thing), it still didn’t feel great. No one wants to be called out like that in
front of their new gorgeous man. Not to mention at a bar full of people. Not
cool.
Sometimes, no matter how attractive
the guy is, it’s just not enough to compensate for other shortcomings. I dated
a very attractive man once who was so dumb it became almost impossible to have
a conversation with him. We ended up talking a lot about what we eating while
at dinner. It was awful. I also dated a very attractive man who turned out to
be a little crazy. Well, maybe more than a little crazy, this guy actually made
me nervous, and guys don’t often make me nervous.
So even though it can be exciting to
date a guy you have no business dating, it’s hurtful to have people constantly
pointing out how much more attractive your man is than you. Also, being pretty
comes with a cost. Sometimes with the pretty you get extra dose of crazy, or
stupid, or some other undesirable. In general, I think we should all be a
little wary of people who have gotten through life on their good looks alone.
These people often seem to be lacking in other areas, it's disappointing reality.
On the other end of the spectrum we
have the not so attractive guys. I have also dated a few of those. I don’t want
to say they were ugly, because that seems mean and overly harsh, but they
definitely weren’t head turners.
Recently I was dating a guy that I
wasn’t attracted to at all. I was worried I would never feel attracted to him,
but I liked him a lot and wanted to continue seeing him. I mean, how often do
you meet someone you really like? And it’s not like I’m a beauty queen or
anything, who am I to be so picky? I decided that looks weren’t that important,
and since I liked him it made sense to continue seeing him. It also probably
helped that he happened to be a very good kisser.
Anyway, the experiment was
successful. The more time I spent with him the more attracted to him I became.
In the end it didn’t really matter though, because after all my efforts, in
turns out he wasn’t actually that interested in dating me. So there you go.
To be honest it pissed me off a
little. Somehow I think it’s harder to accept that someone isn’t interested in
you when they’re not that attractive. I always kind of think “really?! You’re not interested in me? Geez if I can’t even get you what’s
the point?”
To be fair, I feel the same way when
a guy with any major flaw isn’t interested in continuing to date me. You know,
like the guy doesn’t have a job, or is addicted to heroin, or lives in his
parent’s basement, or owns a cat.
As you get older and continue to see
people couple off while you remain single, it’s hard not to wonder if perhaps
your criteria for dating someone might be a little off. A guy you wouldn’t have
noticed five years ago you’re now approaching in bars. To be fair, this guy is
much easier to notice now, he’s the only other single person in the bar.
The good news, if you give it time,
you can become attracted to this guy even if you weren’t attracted to him when
you met. The bad news, he might not be attracted to you. Maybe you’ve lowered
your standards as a matter of necessity, but that doesn’t guarantee you a man.
It’s not easy to get rejected by someone you think should feel lucky just to
have the opportunity to date you, but it happens.
If we’re all being honest, when it
comes down to it, even though we spend a lot of time thinking about it, it
probably doesn’t matter how attractive you or your partner are. In the end,
we’re all gonna be old and gross anyway.
And that’s just a fact.
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